Rants & Raves Index
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Editorial opinion only presented in a humorous
Cycle World Wakes Up After 40
Year Nap – Discovers Choppers!
Or Why Von Dutch Doesn't
Cycle World magazine, long
the province of Ducatis, Aprillas, Elephants and other bizarre
Euro-sport bikes I can't even pronounce awoke from a 40 year coma and
decided that choppers actually exist. And they did it in the most
unusual manner possible – one of the editors / contributors bought a Von
Dutch chopper off eBay and decided to rebuild it.
- Warren Fuller
Yes, you heard
me right – this guy spent $3300 on a 550 Triumph Tiger Cub that
apparently belonged to the famed Von Dutch – pin stripper to the Gods.
Now, for those of you who don't know jack about Von Dutch except that
his logo seems to on the tit-tops of lots of teenage girls these days,
we can say this with impunity – Von Dutch would not like this idea. How
can we say this – well, Von Dutch didn't like much of anything, so why
would this be any different?
Known for not wanting to set foot in
a car, Von Dutch lived most of his life in self-imposed poverty and had
a habit of insulting most people around him. When he wasn't pin
stripping, he was making guns and other bizarre weapons – most of which
were stolen upon his death. Here's a news flash – Von Dutch wouldn't
have liked you, he wouldn't have liked me and her CERTAINLY wouldn't
want his chopper in the hands of the editors of Cycle World.
strangest part of this saga is that Cycle World (to my knowledge and I'm
a subscriber) has never featured a custom chopper and has always taken
the stance that bikes were meant to be ridden as delivered from the
factory. They have never featured an article on how to rake a frame, or
how to add fork slugs to tubes of how to wire for ape-hangers. In fact,
I'm relatively sure the term “ape hangers” has never even appeared in
this staid magazine. BUT, now they're rebuilding a Von Dutch chopper.
I dunno, perhaps they should start out a little more low key – like
an interview with Hammer from the Horse BC or maybe they could actually
build a bike from scratch using parts from the JP Cycles catalogue – it
just seems like taking the first dip into chopperdom with a Von Dutch
original is a little like making your first confession directly to the
Pope. Let's learn to crawl before we run a marathon, guys.
are those that appreciate the genius of Von Dutch, and Big Daddy Roth
and Robert Williams, but if you read anything about the times at Roth
studios – you'll realize that Von Dutch was the king-hell problem child
amongst problem children. Roth was creating cars like the Mysterion,
Williams was doing off-the-wall drug induced paintings and advertising
for Roth in an environment that more often resembled something from Tom
Wolfe's Electric Kool Aid Acid Test than any kind of functional business
– but that's how genius operates (or so I'm told). We know for a fact
that these guys were 100% off the wall for the late 50's and early 60's
and THEY couldn't handle Von Dutch.
So now we're going to have
the Cycle World Von Dutch chopper – I really hope they buried him deep,
because if he every catches wind of this he'll come back from the dead
just to spit in their faces and call 'em assholes – because THAT'S part
of the genius of Von Dutch.